They say that in any Indian marriage, the Golden Period for the groom and bride is their Courtship. We disagree, as do these real brides!
Sure, the courtship is your first foray into your life with your S.O. and therefore, is a special part of your new relationship, but all the hype about it being the best time ever is so not true! All brides to be go into their courtship expecting flowers and find themselves taken aback when they find few thorns along the way. In reality, your courtship is actually the Litmus Test of your relationship. You WILL fight, you will not be on the same page always and thats OK!
Real brides reveal what they found to be the Tough Spots; to the point that some even considered calling it off (the pressure of everything together was intense, they say) in their courtship periods and what helped them overcome it :
#1 STUCK IN BETWEEN
As a bride-to-be you will find yourself in the middle. Not a Miss not yet a Mrs. – you are neither that single girl at your house, nor his wife yet. There will be times when your family’s opinions and those of his don’t match, it’s quite natural but here as the girl in between, you will feel torn as to who to side with, even on the silliest matters! Even accountability changes, you may find yourself flipping coins to figure out whether to listen to your betrothed in things as simple as returning home at 5 am or your parents who open the door for you at that hour!
Apply this: Talk about it! Do not just try to overanalyse and solve every problem alone. Venting is good. Talk to your friends and your elders. Don’t dismiss advice from your elders — relationships haven’t changed all that much in the past few decades!
#2 LOVE BUBBLE
Most couples approach their courtship as their own little bubble where they give everyone else a backseat and their S.O. is the primary focus of their life. They are only about each other – the catch? This can’t and won’t last long! Once the courtship is over, marriage starts to pale in comparison and the dream comes tumbling down!
Apply this: Burst that bubble ASAP! A reality check is super important. The sooner you get it, the better! Couples that are realistic in their courtship enjoy the most fulfilling married lives – they know exactly what they are getting into for life without any false expectations.
#3 MARATHON COUPLE – EVERY DAY BECOMES AN EVENT
Whats wrong with this? What was exciting soon becomes exhausting! Brides reveal that having super sonic eventful courtships made it very difficult for them to cope! All the wedding planning, along with making sure you spend every minute together in some exciting new activity took a toll on them. The stress this creates makes for easy ground for tiffs and arguments! Tired haggard brides are a strict No!!
Apply this: Starting a relationship with someone doesn’t have to mean you automatically spend long hours gazing at and whispering sweet nothings to each other. Lighten up in the early phases of dating! Get to know each other better first as friends before going deeper. There’s a reason adages like “slow and steady wins the race” abound. Take your time together easy, really figure each other out rather than trying to up the stakes with giant romantic gestures every single day.
When it gets to much to take in try some recreational activities to find your inner chi – try taking out 5 mins of me time and meditate. Check out our easy DIY meditation guide for bridechillas here
#4 HE HAS A DIFFERENT OPINION ON THINGS – are we drifting Apart !?!
Okay, Breathe! You are two different people, it’s absolutely okay to have different opinions…It doesn’t really mean its the end of the world! Every normal couple fights! There We Said It. It’s the one thing new couples do behind closed doors – they fight, all the affection is PDA 😛 If you never have a different opinion , then you have a problem! Throwback to Abhay Deol in ZNMD – “Do jism ek jaan philosophy – I can’t handle!”- truer words were never spoken! Fights, arguments, a difference of opinion this is all normal, healthy even – and guess what, small fights are good, making up after them – even better!
Apply this: Don’t be scared to voice your opinion just because you think it doesn’t match. As we said, its okay to have a different perspective, just voice it in a good way. That being said do not go around looking to pick fights either! Talk it out – open communication channels are the best thing you can build in your courtship!
#4 HE WOOED YOU THEN, HE DOESN’T NOW
Are we already loosing our new sizzle? Of course not! And of course he doesn’t! He can’t ignore the million responsibilities he kept on hold, thereby creating these unreal expectations. Sure, Indian brides are supposed to be coy and all that jazz, but it’s honestly unfair to put all the wooing on him!
Apply this: Sure, if he’s eager to take the lead, by all means, let him! But, ladies you should really do the heavy lifting a few times yourself! Woo each other and not just wait for him to do all the work! This balances out the expectation in the relationship going forward!
#5 WE ARE OUR OWN WOLF PACK
That’s great, but bear in mind there will be a time when just the two of you all the time could come back to bite you (all pun intended!) Do NOT corner yourself to being just the two of you. The biggest mistake you can make as a couple is to put the two of you in an exclusive corner! Soon, exclusive becomes lonely and annoying!(Yes We Said It) Being together all the time can get overwhelming and intrusive as well! As a couple still you will need to exist in harmony with everyone else!
Apply this: Hang out with your friends and family. Marriage doesn’t only add him to your life, but to theirs as well. Make sure you spend time together with them. Include all your loved ones in this phase as well, to avoid horrible withdrawal symptoms in the courtship end. Group activities are most definitely encouraged!
So there you have it, don’t be upset if you face any of these in your courtship! Always remember that you love each other, as long as you hold on to that and not let the smaller things get to you – you’ll be just fine!
xx
{Image sources: Internet, Stories by Joseph Radhik, Yash Raj Films, Dreamcatchers Photography}
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